Frequently asked questions and answers section of the blog
Q: Why the blog? Why such a public way to document your personal/private experience with cancer?
A: Easy way to communicate to a large group. Many who want to know a variety of things especially to answer the "how do you feel" question. Hopefully that you read the blog so on the day I blog on and on about pain and lots of eff words isn't the day you innocently ask-how are you? To protect the innocent I have to fakely answer that question and lie my azz off. I can't add lying on top of cursing to the growing list of transgressions I'm committing. To share what I call moments of-are you friggin kidding meeeee?!!?!?- that happens in the life of a cancer patient. You have an idea, but really you don't. I'm shielding you like a mother hen in my blogging. As explained to a family member, there isn't much privacy I realized early on. That I simply could not go from size va va voom to itty bitty titty committee size (yes, I said that) without way more questions, as well I'll disappear some and sound slurry when I talk. Conspiracy theories would abound.
Oddly lots of questions about my hair even though I'm constantly told it's NO big deal, it'll grow back, you'll be fine, you will look gorgeous. Blah blah blah. Mmmmkay.
Q: Are you sure your hair will fall out? Maybe it won't.
A: (blankly staring at you blinking my eyes). Listen I have a hard enough time getting myself off the island on the daily, I just don't have time to yank you off the island. You know the island. Fantasy island. (holding your hand now) Honey, that was a show in the 70's, it wasn't a real island where dreams come true. It was fake for tv. No one lives there, not even Tattoo or that guy with the Spanish accent. The type of chemo I am gonna get all of it is gonna drop off of me. Hair on my head, eyelashes, eyebrows the whole thaaaaannnngg.
Q: Are you bald yet? Or when is your hair coming off?
A: This one is mostly for my niece. When my brother and his wife told the kids the news explaining what they would see or experience her main question is-am I bald yet? When she came over during my wig party and we were alone admiring all my lip glosses she tells me she wants to see under my wig to see if my hair is still there. The same another time when I had a hat on. As of today, it's there. Week of Jan 6th it will be gone with first chemo treatment so I'm told.
Q: Are you going to wear wigs, scarves or rock a bald look? Have you decided yet?
A: I have no idea really. I think that's why this week I turned my blonde hair (almost 15 years) to the screaming-look at the elephant in the room- purple. Yup purple like. It was to see if I could walk around in the outside world while people looked at and commented (or not but wanted to) on my hair. It wasn't that easy. The second day I wore a hat. Plus I started making "I'm different friends" each place I visited. While all my life I've been used to people, strangers, always striking random conversation or talking to me (new people who hang with me find this interesting and amusing) I'm just not sure I'm all that comfy yet with instant bonding. I like to take things slow. If this confuses you talk to a pregnant women and she will tell you all about it.
Q: Can't you go on a special diet, or take herbs or xx? My friend did that. (It's always a friend never someone's momma)
Q: Why the blog? Why such a public way to document your personal/private experience with cancer?
A: Easy way to communicate to a large group. Many who want to know a variety of things especially to answer the "how do you feel" question. Hopefully that you read the blog so on the day I blog on and on about pain and lots of eff words isn't the day you innocently ask-how are you? To protect the innocent I have to fakely answer that question and lie my azz off. I can't add lying on top of cursing to the growing list of transgressions I'm committing. To share what I call moments of-are you friggin kidding meeeee?!!?!?- that happens in the life of a cancer patient. You have an idea, but really you don't. I'm shielding you like a mother hen in my blogging. As explained to a family member, there isn't much privacy I realized early on. That I simply could not go from size va va voom to itty bitty titty committee size (yes, I said that) without way more questions, as well I'll disappear some and sound slurry when I talk. Conspiracy theories would abound.
Oddly lots of questions about my hair even though I'm constantly told it's NO big deal, it'll grow back, you'll be fine, you will look gorgeous. Blah blah blah. Mmmmkay.
Q: Are you sure your hair will fall out? Maybe it won't.
A: (blankly staring at you blinking my eyes). Listen I have a hard enough time getting myself off the island on the daily, I just don't have time to yank you off the island. You know the island. Fantasy island. (holding your hand now) Honey, that was a show in the 70's, it wasn't a real island where dreams come true. It was fake for tv. No one lives there, not even Tattoo or that guy with the Spanish accent. The type of chemo I am gonna get all of it is gonna drop off of me. Hair on my head, eyelashes, eyebrows the whole thaaaaannnngg.
Q: Are you bald yet? Or when is your hair coming off?
A: This one is mostly for my niece. When my brother and his wife told the kids the news explaining what they would see or experience her main question is-am I bald yet? When she came over during my wig party and we were alone admiring all my lip glosses she tells me she wants to see under my wig to see if my hair is still there. The same another time when I had a hat on. As of today, it's there. Week of Jan 6th it will be gone with first chemo treatment so I'm told.
Q: Are you going to wear wigs, scarves or rock a bald look? Have you decided yet?
A: I have no idea really. I think that's why this week I turned my blonde hair (almost 15 years) to the screaming-look at the elephant in the room- purple. Yup purple like. It was to see if I could walk around in the outside world while people looked at and commented (or not but wanted to) on my hair. It wasn't that easy. The second day I wore a hat. Plus I started making "I'm different friends" each place I visited. While all my life I've been used to people, strangers, always striking random conversation or talking to me (new people who hang with me find this interesting and amusing) I'm just not sure I'm all that comfy yet with instant bonding. I like to take things slow. If this confuses you talk to a pregnant women and she will tell you all about it.
Q: Can't you go on a special diet, or take herbs or xx? My friend did that. (It's always a friend never someone's momma)
A: Shut your pie hole and go please (pointing at the door) no worries we are still friends but we are on a break.
Q: What do you do most of the day now?
A: Lots of doctor/surgeon/test visits. A get up and get out of the house doc visit is an exhausting day. I walk slower so getting around takes up time. I stare at my nails or the walls because staring at the walls didn't make me use my arms causing pain. I focus on healing, how will I handle what's next. Because I doze off when I'm doing this I have to start all over again when I wake up. I take pictures of my dog. I send pictures & emails to friends/family of incredibly stupid silly stuff. Then when they don't respond in 30 seconds I call them to be sure their phone isn't broke. I'm very busy.
Q: Do you have good insurance or insurance at all?
A: Yes, Hercules has insurance which covers me. Quite a few places tell me: you have the good insurance. Still it doesn't cover everything and we have 20% co pays for things. I have this process: receive mail, snort sorta maniacally laugh at the figures, fan myself with some, categorize and label: Pay right away category or the special category I call "they will send Carmen and the boys after me" or "kiss my grits till I get to it". It's all fine and I always find my way.
Q: So you really don't sit around crying?
A: No I sure don't. Sometimes I think maybe I should because I'm asked so much. Like I worry I'm suppressing deep emotions. So I make a cry face then it doesn't happen then I worry that will cause wrinkles so I stop. What does make me cry at times is when I receive unexpected gifts or unbelievable generosity from the most unlikely sources, sometimes people I don't know or didn't expect to reach out. And just the generosity and spirit of my entire family. That and when my friends or family make me laugh so hard I cry or pee my pantalones.
Q: So um, what size will your new boobs be?
A: When you send out the invite to the "let's talk about our boob size and show our boobs party" with accept or decline for me to check either, I shall promptly cross it out and write in--hell naw in bold letters and fedex it back to you. To be sure you get it back as soon as possible.
Q: Do you really say bad words that much?
A: During the worst of the nerve pain, after surgery pain time and during the time that infection was brewing (it made sections of my body hurt SO bad)- oh yes, I cussed my tail off. I simply could not help myself and couldn't believe myself. You will be proud to know that my mantra prayer is the Hail Mary. Always has been and runs through my head daily so there are times I yell out---pray for us sinners! Or great balls of fire! Or instead of can of beans just omg BEANS!! I have no idea why on that last part.
Q: What do you do most of the day now?
A: Lots of doctor/surgeon/test visits. A get up and get out of the house doc visit is an exhausting day. I walk slower so getting around takes up time. I stare at my nails or the walls because staring at the walls didn't make me use my arms causing pain. I focus on healing, how will I handle what's next. Because I doze off when I'm doing this I have to start all over again when I wake up. I take pictures of my dog. I send pictures & emails to friends/family of incredibly stupid silly stuff. Then when they don't respond in 30 seconds I call them to be sure their phone isn't broke. I'm very busy.
Q: Do you have good insurance or insurance at all?
A: Yes, Hercules has insurance which covers me. Quite a few places tell me: you have the good insurance. Still it doesn't cover everything and we have 20% co pays for things. I have this process: receive mail, snort sorta maniacally laugh at the figures, fan myself with some, categorize and label: Pay right away category or the special category I call "they will send Carmen and the boys after me" or "kiss my grits till I get to it". It's all fine and I always find my way.
Q: So you really don't sit around crying?
A: No I sure don't. Sometimes I think maybe I should because I'm asked so much. Like I worry I'm suppressing deep emotions. So I make a cry face then it doesn't happen then I worry that will cause wrinkles so I stop. What does make me cry at times is when I receive unexpected gifts or unbelievable generosity from the most unlikely sources, sometimes people I don't know or didn't expect to reach out. And just the generosity and spirit of my entire family. That and when my friends or family make me laugh so hard I cry or pee my pantalones.
Q: So um, what size will your new boobs be?
A: When you send out the invite to the "let's talk about our boob size and show our boobs party" with accept or decline for me to check either, I shall promptly cross it out and write in--hell naw in bold letters and fedex it back to you. To be sure you get it back as soon as possible.
Q: Do you really say bad words that much?
A: During the worst of the nerve pain, after surgery pain time and during the time that infection was brewing (it made sections of my body hurt SO bad)- oh yes, I cussed my tail off. I simply could not help myself and couldn't believe myself. You will be proud to know that my mantra prayer is the Hail Mary. Always has been and runs through my head daily so there are times I yell out---pray for us sinners! Or great balls of fire! Or instead of can of beans just omg BEANS!! I have no idea why on that last part.
