All those mushy statements about how beautiful life is means so much now.....

You hear people talk about being grateful for the little things in life. Stop and smell the roses type stuff. So for me now life is right along those lines, especially today. Example: I have cancer but I am happy that ... or I dont have to ...... Kinda strange huh? While I have always been a grateful and positive person I just never knew it would apply to me in a medical sense and in the most bizarre way.

Day in the life. Day in the life folks.

The visit with the oncologist after my MRI gives good news. Relatively speaking of course and well heck I'll take it.  Basically its a green light for no chemo right now, before surgery, and to go ahead and get the show on the road. Just an ultrasound and a few visits to my breast surgeon away from getting the f%^&# cancer outta me! Who gets excited about major surgery? I do I do (raising my hand).

By the way is there a person in a 20 mile radius who has NOT seen my breasts, touched them, and or imaged them?? Lawd have mercy, surely there isn't.  

So what am I thinking now? I am just breathing my dears. And smiling. But mostly I can breathe. Talking with my oncologist takes stones off of my back. It seems each action and step I take removes another. I'm getting lighter by the day. Woohoo! :)

Still so much to know and a tough road ahead for sure. Like exact size, exactly how invasive it is, how many rounds of chemo and so on. That information comes after surgery.

Member in this world now? -- small victories. Exactly. We get happy about them and then go eat pancakes. My proverbial form of smell roses. They were delicious! Either way its celebrate and breathe. 
 
More news to come. Thank you again to everyone for their thoughts and prayers and for reaching out. I AM strong I AM positive. Thats a good thing. 

xoxo
lolita
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Some words from Dr. Wayne Dyer

  I appreciate all that I am and all that I have.

Stop focusing on what you do not have, and shift your consciousness to an appreciation for all that you are and all that you do have.

I'm happiest in the morning when I hear this

Song on my way to work or appointments.

I sing at the top of my lungs, moving my shoulders and thumping the steering wheel with unabashed feeling.

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=5y_KJAg8bHI&desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3D5y_KJAg8bHI

 Give it a try. Song by Avicii-Wake me up when it's all over

The things I worry about now

Yes- yes I'm sure you are thinking the usual... Well! Sure! she must be worried about The "cancer" ! And so on and so on. Well yes. I am of course. 

Mostly though if I'm being honest I actually worry about the following and variations of this:

When is that daing cancer card coming? You know the one I get to take out when i want to just get out of doing something like cleaning or just easily swiftly win an impossible argument. Boom take it out and game over, I win. You clean the bathroom not me. Don't think I didn't ask.

Will I look cute bald!? I suspect not folks.

Can I pull off that over the top overly blonde (ahem stripper) type wig Jennifer Anniston wears in The movie We are the millers? Yea Mmm not so much.

How the hell does anyone draw on eyebrows??! Seriously?! Like daily! Would I even need to? This will add a half hour a day at minimum to my morning routine just to get it right. Ill simply never leave the freaking house.

How many times do I have to go bra shopping? I have done some serious investing in some cute bras now and then I start all over? Goodness gracious. 

Nothing real important yet just random thoughts screaming in my head. Questions of a vain women I guess. If you know me at all you know that these thoughts are real and not at all 

me trying to be brave and put up some jokes to deflect. Nope. Sadly it's how I think 
sometimes.  (Shrug)

Once again, the overwhelming gratitude I feel that anyone even wants to know what's happening, takes the time out of an immensely busy day to write me and or read my blog is just astounding to me. I'm over flowing with feelings and love. 

A small request? Please my family and friends do your best to process this (I do realize I had a head start in knowing) and catch up with me in the humor department. I'm afraid it's far too sad and serious and I may just go koo koo if it stays this way. I simply can't face things like that although I'm too painfully aware that everyone is different and has their very own process. I just feel strongly that this cancer doesn't get to take up all the space in the room. I can't let it. 

So the MRI last night was an experience in itself and I promise deserves its own blog entry. 
I will however tell you that once I donned the ridiculous wear for the test I promptly snapped some selfies to send off to a few people. You know to be sure I make this cancer thing look good.

Some of their responses:
1.You look hot!
2. don't try to twerk in that! you will fall and break your sweet azz! 
3. lets pray to the medical community for an intervention from issac mizrahi to design some awesome silk or cashmere lovely colored medical wear. 

Amen sista, amen. 

I told you my friends were "helpful". 




Sent from

I always surprised by how people

Are SO very amazing when you need them. 

Thank you to every single person who was able to reach out to me and give me support when I shared this horrible news.  I am truly overwhelmed!! I meant what I said when I tell you I believe in thought and prayer. And I need them. Please keep them coming. 

Humor too. Ill take that. :) I like a good cancer laugh. 

Well this week is a big week. Lots of tests, doctors, anxiety--dun dun duuuhhnnn! However I'm hoping at the end I get action to take and start to move into it. That's more my style. 

Ill keep you posted the best I can here.

Love you all .......Lolita

No other way to put this so let me be blunt...

My dear family and friends, I have started this blog to share news with you.

The news is I have breast cancer. There I said it. I'm sorry to shock or be blunt but I just need to get it all out and off my chest (in more ways than one-puns intended). Ive never been good at small talk or surface talk. Just ask anyone who has seen me avoid elevators rides with awkward co workers. Please be prepared reading further for a quirky sense of humor and bluntness. Both needed, both my usual m.o. and I sure cant stop doing it now. I wanted to use this blog or forum to keep many of you in the loop, who might wonder, worry or are just plain nosy  :) . I feel it's important for you to know. This is my life right now, its not my real life. Just my right now life. I sure don't like it and it seems unfortunately there is no avoiding it. So let's talk about it.

I have been told I have what's called: invasive ductal carcinoma, triple negative breast cancer. Eeewwwww what's that?!? Sounds ugly doesn't it? Well it is. As are all cancers. (and let the googling begin). So far life is still the same except I have lots of doctor visits, tests, upcoming procedures surgeries and treatments. I will do my absolute best to keep you informed through this blog. I didn't want to be that person that silently mysteriously handles this business and tells you later or when my hair falls out during chemo and then the shit is really out in the open like a big elephant trying to hide in the corner. Neh. 

A couple of things. Please be careful about sharing links, websites or too much information with me loved ones. Here's why. I have mostly handled the shocking news with my usual determination, positiveness, some cancer humor and occasional cursing. Yes-my family and friends it will at times get salty up in here. Like cussing and cancer in the same sentence is bound to come out and its allowed. Feel free to ask any clergy man. Automatic forgiveness (snapping my fingers). Taking The Lord's name in vain is another story, don't try that. 10 Hail Mary's at minimum. 

I promise I'm getting to the important part about websites and links. The only times I have broken down unexpectedly in the last few weeks was 1. telling my parents and 2. when reading scary information on well known cancer websites and some blogs. For me, this just isn't good. For the very reason that I'm best with bad or ugly news with ACTION. I'm super calm in a crisis when I know my role and steps even if they are not all the way formed yet. At least I have the news I need now and the next steps. I'm not very good with overloads of information and no where to go or nothing to do about it. Make sense? Something I found out is everyone's cancer is different so the information you share with me while well meaning about another persons experience just might not apply although I do get it was your only connection to this scary disease until now. Just go easy on me when trying to be helpful. My brother Kevin is a great filter for me here so maybe ask to send his way so he can take a peek? Just a thought.  

So lots of questions on what where when how?? Coulda shoulda woulda is not something I can entertain as a person especially right now. I'm focused on the present. There's no other way for me. I simply have to be present and live in the now. At present I have some important decisions to make. At present I know I have an amazing family, incredible friends and support system at work who have astounded me with their words, love, wishes, and help. I just couldn't be luckier. Well (scratching my head) you know what I mean. And at present I'm doing all I can. 

Please don't be sad or feel sorry for me. Truly. Except when it's time to do the dishes or like mop the floor then go right ahead. The good news is my team of doctors are the best. My breast surgeon is highly regarded and recommended by other doctors and she really gets me. I mean it. She is confident whatever path I choose she will remove the fu$@&% cancer (oh my!) and has given me solid advice on healing myself. Importantly she laughs with me when I have those kooky questions and then gives it to me straight. My oncologist is one of, if not the best in Arizona. Everyone says go to him. So I will go to him and plan the next steps for beating this. 

Your thoughts, prayers, well wishes, humor and sending cancer fighting strength my way is very much needed. I simply couldn't do this without it. I absolutely believe in the power of prayer and positive thought so I ask if you are so inclined to throw some my way. Im not into the denial thing so telling me I'm going to be fine, waving this away or just declaring ill be ok is just not something thats 100% now so forgive me if I don't respond in the normal way. Im just not wired that way. Absolutely positive manner-yes! Straight up predict the future? No can do. I do ask for some awareness, prayers, and strength to the many who don't have this amazing circle of support around them that I do. Can you imagine? I could not. Yet there are many who are battling this alone. No resources, good doctors to turn to, no girlfriends to laugh or cry with or hugs to be had. Well it's these women that I ask that you to please, please include in your prayers and thoughts. Me first haha then them. 

Lastly, however you decide to receive and respond to this news is welcome. Understand it doesn't have to in any way come in the form of immediate responses or messages or delicious baked goods. For you do not have to do anything but be your divine lovely selves, you are perfect the way you are and I love all of you. Every single one of us reacts differently to news and I get it. I really do. If your way is to get knee deep so be it, if your way is to send me wishes from afar so be it, if you way is silence so be it. It's all as it should be. Besides I have never been a fan of contrived obligated responses so for sure lets not start here. Lawd have mercy let's not. 

More news to come so check in when you can. Some good, some bad and some may be ugly but it's fair to say its time we all put our big girl or boy pants on and let me let it out as I need to. Yes I'm taking the cancer card out ;).

Love and hugs to you all,

Lolita