It seems to be a song about heartbreak but after I heard the main verse a few times I googled the lyrics and realized the song and the words could give meaning and relevance to many things. In particular to me right now.
I have always been a lover of words. Wether it's on a page in my favorite book or any book, on a computer screen, text box or in song form being sung with angst or attitude. All of those words I cherish them. I admire them. Even strong ones with some high emotion behind them. Inside I clap and applaud the person. Good for you person with that strong opinion I don't care for or agree with I think to myself in my head.
So hearing the words You gotta get up and try, and try and try sung over and over a few times sounds exactly like what I need to be doing. Probably good to hear that song and take it all in. It helps to counter act the impulse to not try that washes over me from time to time. But in a bratty 2 year old not thought all the way through kinda way. Kinda like a mmm maaaaybe (drumming my fingers on my chin thinking) mm I'll pretend it will go away and I don't have to do all that scary sounding shit. Mmmmm maybe (thinking some more) I can stay hidden with the covers pulled tightly over my head and no one will notice. Yea kinda like that. And trust me it can get easy to think that's a good idea. For like 6 minutes.
It's just a person gets tired sometimes. When I vaguely use the word person of course I mean me. Not like in the body tired but like in the head tired. Like my brain is saying....Really lolita? Really girl? Coooome ooooooonn! We ain't even gotten over all that other craziness yet! My brain pointing all dramatic like at that "other" craziness that didn't seem all that long ago. Somehow when I give my brain a voice it comes out like a Shaquita type personality with those huge old school gold hoop earrings, long nails with colored tips, lots of gold rings, way tight skinny faded jeans, these fly high tops, and hands on hips. Every time. Don't ask me why.
Truth is I don't want to do this. I don't want to do any of this. By this I mean go to this doctor, that doctor, this surgeon or that one (its a lot of docs folks) to hear what's recommended, have surgeries, take medicine and know what I know. As amazing those doctors are at what they do it just seems like a ton of not fun things are going to happen.
And that's why I might cling to a song that I would have previously heard, happily sung along to then just went about my merry day without another thought. Now? The words. It's the words.
You gotta get up and try and try and try.
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Partial lyrics to the song Try by Pink
Ever worry that it might be ruined
And does it make you wanna cry?
When you're out there doing what you're doing
Are you just getting by?
Tell me are you just getting by, by, by?
Where there is desire
There is gonna be a flame
Where there is a flame
Someone's bound to get burned
But just because it burns
Doesn't mean you're gonna die
You've gotta get up and try, and try, and try
Gotta get up and try, and try, and try
You gotta get up and try, and try, and try
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