My dear family and friends, I have started this blog to share news with you.
The news is I have breast cancer. There I said it. I'm sorry to shock or be blunt but I just need to get it all out and off my chest (in more ways than one-puns intended). Ive never been good at small talk or surface talk. Just ask anyone who has seen me avoid elevators rides with awkward co workers. Please be prepared reading further for a quirky sense of humor and bluntness. Both needed, both my usual m.o. and I sure cant stop doing it now. I wanted to use this blog or forum to keep many of you in the loop, who might wonder, worry or are just plain nosy :) . I feel it's important for you to know. This is my life right now, its not my real life. Just my right now life. I sure don't like it and it seems unfortunately there is no avoiding it. So let's talk about it.
I have been told I have what's called: invasive ductal carcinoma, triple negative breast cancer. Eeewwwww what's that?!? Sounds ugly doesn't it? Well it is. As are all cancers. (and let the googling begin). So far life is still the same except I have lots of doctor visits, tests, upcoming procedures surgeries and treatments. I will do my absolute best to keep you informed through this blog. I didn't want to be that person that silently mysteriously handles this business and tells you later or when my hair falls out during chemo and then the shit is really out in the open like a big elephant trying to hide in the corner. Neh.
A couple of things. Please be careful about sharing links, websites or too much information with me loved ones. Here's why. I have mostly handled the shocking news with my usual determination, positiveness, some cancer humor and occasional cursing. Yes-my family and friends it will at times get salty up in here. Like cussing and cancer in the same sentence is bound to come out and its allowed. Feel free to ask any clergy man. Automatic forgiveness (snapping my fingers). Taking The Lord's name in vain is another story, don't try that. 10 Hail Mary's at minimum.
I promise I'm getting to the important part about websites and links. The only times I have broken down unexpectedly in the last few weeks was 1. telling my parents and 2. when reading scary information on well known cancer websites and some blogs. For me, this just isn't good. For the very reason that I'm best with bad or ugly news with ACTION. I'm super calm in a crisis when I know my role and steps even if they are not all the way formed yet. At least I have the news I need now and the next steps. I'm not very good with overloads of information and no where to go or nothing to do about it. Make sense? Something I found out is everyone's cancer is different so the information you share with me while well meaning about another persons experience just might not apply although I do get it was your only connection to this scary disease until now. Just go easy on me when trying to be helpful. My brother Kevin is a great filter for me here so maybe ask to send his way so he can take a peek? Just a thought.
So lots of questions on what where when how?? Coulda shoulda woulda is not something I can entertain as a person especially right now. I'm focused on the present. There's no other way for me. I simply have to be present and live in the now. At present I have some important decisions to make. At present I know I have an amazing family, incredible friends and support system at work who have astounded me with their words, love, wishes, and help. I just couldn't be luckier. Well (scratching my head) you know what I mean. And at present I'm doing all I can.
Please don't be sad or feel sorry for me. Truly. Except when it's time to do the dishes or like mop the floor then go right ahead. The good news is my team of doctors are the best. My breast surgeon is highly regarded and recommended by other doctors and she really gets me. I mean it. She is confident whatever path I choose she will remove the fu$@&% cancer (oh my!) and has given me solid advice on healing myself. Importantly she laughs with me when I have those kooky questions and then gives it to me straight. My oncologist is one of, if not the best in Arizona. Everyone says go to him. So I will go to him and plan the next steps for beating this.
Your thoughts, prayers, well wishes, humor and sending cancer fighting strength my way is very much needed. I simply couldn't do this without it. I absolutely believe in the power of prayer and positive thought so I ask if you are so inclined to throw some my way. Im not into the denial thing so telling me I'm going to be fine, waving this away or just declaring ill be ok is just not something thats 100% now so forgive me if I don't respond in the normal way. Im just not wired that way. Absolutely positive manner-yes! Straight up predict the future? No can do. I do ask for some awareness, prayers, and strength to the many who don't have this amazing circle of support around them that I do. Can you imagine? I could not. Yet there are many who are battling this alone. No resources, good doctors to turn to, no girlfriends to laugh or cry with or hugs to be had. Well it's these women that I ask that you to please, please include in your prayers and thoughts. Me first haha then them.
Lastly, however you decide to receive and respond to this news is welcome. Understand it doesn't have to in any way come in the form of immediate responses or messages or delicious baked goods. For you do not have to do anything but be your divine lovely selves, you are perfect the way you are and I love all of you. Every single one of us reacts differently to news and I get it. I really do. If your way is to get knee deep so be it, if your way is to send me wishes from afar so be it, if you way is silence so be it. It's all as it should be. Besides I have never been a fan of contrived obligated responses so for sure lets not start here. Lawd have mercy let's not.
More news to come so check in when you can. Some good, some bad and some may be ugly but it's fair to say its time we all put our big girl or boy pants on and let me let it out as I need to. Yes I'm taking the cancer card out ;).
Love and hugs to you all,
Lolita
