When you say you are tired exactly

How tired is tired is the question two of my doctors have asked me this week because that's my main complaint besides some expected discomfort a week out of surgery. Of course we want to ensure I heal quickly and as expected from my second surgery in less than a month. However my energy levels and how tired I am is a big deal to me and to them as it gives indications on how well I really am doing. As such it warrants investigation and at least a few minutes of discussion. People throw that tired word around quite a bit or we tend to say wow I'm so exhausted. We just do. It has become part of our vernacular to a degree that when we really are it could be hard to discern just how tired is tired. Well I usually don't say that and most of the time feel pretty good so when I say I gotta sit down and take a break because I'm standing for 4 minutes or that I have to prop my head up to eat a little something I wasn't even hungry for in the first place or basically my days are spent either sleeping or wanting to sleep after I just slept some. I know that might be something to bring to my doctors attention. Is there something I can do or not do? Or maybe this is something I ride out for x period of time? Either way I want to know. As you read this you might think (in your high sweet voice I always imagine) well that poor cancer lady needs to rest, goodness gracious she should be tired. Sure, I get it and I agree. And also I get that I need some teeny weeny energy to be able to eat or want to eat. I need energy to be able to get up and walk around a little bit to keep blood flowing avoiding further complications with blood clots, and finally I need a lil get up and go to be able to stay somewhat connected and remain sane. 

Basically my loved ones after talking with my doctors it seems I have been handed a straight up "can of azz whuppin". You know that can? The one you got lying around just in case someone is being so ridiculous making you so cranky that you start shaking your arm until someone asks you- what ARE you doing??? And you say oh yea, hold up, I'm shaking up this can of azz whuppin I'm about to lay down. Yup, like that. Like a yea-no, lay down, just where do YOU think YOU goin type of whuppin. Like super duper can of whuppin that I'm slow slurry talking now and I'm not even taking things that would make me do so. It's just my tongue weighs 20 pounds and makes me, well, tiiiiirreeeddd. 

Three surgeries in less than three months, being put under anesthesia each time, pain pills and other pills I have never taken, an infection where my body had to use everything I had to fight off plus throw in some mental processing has led me to have one of the toughest weeks in my life in terms of not being able to move my body a few inches to the right some days. I am not fighting it. So calm yourselves thinking I'm trying to do kungfu fighting moves to get up. Not the case at all. I rest and then I take another rest after that rest. I just want to know how long the rest and rest again thing might last. And what's "normal". Quotation marks for normal because none of this is. At all. 

Because I'm so very lucky and blessed to have loved ones who care and want to know how I am or what's next I'm taking advantage of a moment after a doctor visit where I am upright and ate something to write out what jumbling around in my head and next steps. Thank you to the many who reach out to me personally through calls, texts (I'm never gonna tell you what the doctor said in text, sorry not gonna do it) Facebook messages and emails asking what's next or just to send me silly pictures of animals because they know that makes me laugh. 

First up is get well from all this I got going on (gesturing all around my chest area). These new incisions and bruises must heal. The original healing process has been delayed because of the second surgery. And I must be absolutely clear of any sign of infection and that's not 100% as of today. Once my two surgeons talk this afternoon I'll know if I take oral antibiotic, just slather it right on topically or continue stare at walls and rest thing. We will see. 

The next two or three weeks will be lots of doctors visits (surgeons, oncologist and cardiologist) and back to the hospital. Why? Because after I heal and get better-relatively speaking- I get to look forward and prepare for punk azz bitch face chemo. It seems you must be better before you can have your azz handed back to you in this cray cray cancer world I live in these days. A blog entry right after this one coming about my chemo, my thoughts on it and more exact details. Beware, it's raw. The hospital outpatient procedure is to put a chemo port in me as they don't use IV each time. It's put into my chest by my heart. Mmhmmmm. And we can't do that fun stuff until I do this sleep, heal, sleep some more recover thing.

Because I'm not allowed to take ibuprofen due to upcoming port procedure the only thing for pain I can take is hydrocodone narcotic type stuff or Tylenol. My pain laughs at Tylenol. My nerve pain sticks it butt out and pulls it's pants down at over the counter Tylenol. But take narcotics? Ask me what I think about that and I make a sound that sounds like a fart. No words, just a sound. I usually only take it at night to sleep with less discomfort, even then I forget. Hercules (my boyfriend-please catch up on other blog entries to make me stop saying this word at my age) hears me moving around in the dark all awkward and quietly lovingly asks me if I took anything. I tell him no. Then I offer him a dollar if he can get it for me because It will take me 20 minutes to get back up into sit position, reach to my left to grab one and slurp down some water. No need, he's usually on his way to get it before I'm finished with my pathetic bribe. In any case I told my surgeon today that I don't wish or want anyone else touching me, opening me up putting things in me or taking things outta me until I'm 10000% better and she agreed. So that has to get pushed out some.

Heal and wait is the short answer if you were smart to just skip to the bottom. :)