There's a story behind the story

And it's kinda long. Indulge me some if you can. 

One of the last instructions my breast surgeon gave on the day of surgery was to remind me again (maybe the 3rd time) to be sure when I got home to take the pain pills they were going to give me. Along with the Valium. About every 4-6 hours. Don't be stoic she says knowing my aversion to narcotics (much more on this later). She tells me this again for a few reasons. When you are healing from such a major surgery with skin being put back together and nerves reattaching its important to get the blood flowing in that direction for the best healing she states and if you can't due to the fact you don't move because you are just soooo (she drags out the word) racked with pain and stiff it won't help our healing process. To illustrate she puts her body real stiff like with arms straight at her sides like a corpse to show me exactly what she means. We can't have that she says. She does this in the room witnessed by my crew about a half hour before surgery. My mom-nurse muneca tells her don't jew worry, I take care of that. Good my surgeon says satisfied it's all going to go as needed.

Before you think my doc a drug pusher or has stock in some pain med companies there is a back story to the cancer story I have been blogging about. You see in September I went in for a much needed non cosmetic (don't get wild ideas) surgery with a different doctor. It was an overnight completely under anesthesia hospital stay. Scardy cat I am of course I put it off as long as I could. A few days before I'm with the nurse for after surgery instructions. Along with the instructions she hands over like 3 prescriptions. One was for a narcotic pain script. What's this I ask narrowing my eyes? It's the pain meds you will need to take while at home. Oh boy. I asked her in the sweetest voice if I rreaaalllyy needed narcotics and what was the strongest non narcotic thing they could give me. She was stunned and slightly frustrated saying you have to take them and then--well you are gonna need to talk to the doctor about that. It seems as if no one refuses the pain meds and it's not the first time I have gotten this reaction.

Here's my thing with narcotic pain meds and pain in general. I don't like pain and for sure I do feel pain. In fact if you even slightly try to bend my little finger back I will promptly yell and poke you in your eyeball in 2 seconds flat. It's just I don't like narcotics. At all. And I really don't like me on them. They make my stomach hurt after about a half a day on them, they make me itch terribly in particular my nose. I talk real sloooowww while itching my nose. Sometimes I even miss my nose in that itching effort. Pathetic. Thats how bad I am on them. It reminds me of this guy Randy that used to come around from time to time when I was in high school who was obviously a heavy narcotic drug user or anything he could get his hands on. Picking at himself, itching himself talking super slow slurry like nodding off in the middle of talking to you then wake up half hour later like he never stopped while itching again. I simply can't erase the visual of poor Randy from my mind and ignore the fact that I miiiigghhtt look a little like him when I take them. It really freaks me out. I have avoided taking them. In fact if any doctor even starts in the direction of writing the script I hold my hand up, question pain levels, after effects and explore other options. Worked so far.

Later in my doctors office sitting on her couch I ask her to tell me or describe to me the level of pain or discomfort she thinks I might have after surgery. She is actually very well known and recommended for her skills in this area and for her amazingly little downtime after surgery. It's the very reason why I chose her. I wanted to be up running through fields of daisies and back at work quickly. How terribly terribly ironic in hindsight given what we now know isn't it? So I say doc, is this pain aaannnyyy (emphasizing this word) worse than the ridiculous pain I have had for the last 2 years  I have managed by taking just a few prescription ibuprofen? She took off her glasses and looked at me calmly answering no it's not at all, that's real pain you have been going through, there's no reason you couldn't continue to take it after surgery, I agree if you don't want the pain meds don't take them and you will be fine. It's settled then. No narcotics. Before I leave she says see ya Thursday (for the surgery), here's your prescription for your annual mammogram peeling off the paper from her prescription pad. Great I say, see you then and stick the paper in my purse.

My surgery went well. My overnight stay was fine. I fell in love with my nurses who were amazing, thankfully so because there I was again last week. Same room same nurse. More on this in another blog. After surgery at home true to form I did extremely well and never once needed to run to the pharmacy desperately asking for "the juice". A few people told me to stop being super women and just take the pain meds. I let them know the truth that the only discomfort I really felt was the air or gas they fill you up with during surgery. A friend said oh my goodness then, just let it out!! Meaning the gas. I told her it wasn't that kind of gas you just can't pass it like she was suggesting. It simply had to be absorbed by the body. Except it passes or moves up into your right shoulder area and makes you feel a little like you are having a heart attack. Visions of Redd Fox on that old show Samford and Sons who would pretend to have attacks stumbling around saying Elizabeth (clutching his heart) I'm coming Elizabeth (looking up to the heavens) would come to mind. Because It's like that except you know daing well you aren't having a heart attack because your heart is on the other side.  

It was during my rounds of cancer doctor visits not soon after this other surgery they find out how well I recovered, how quickly and without narcotic pain meds. Everyone wanted to look at the incisions. The first visit she meets me my breast surgeon says huh? hmmm let me look at those incisions! I just can't believe it. After looking, wow you heal great and seem to be what we call a high pain tolerant patient. Let's not get carried away I tell her. If I gotta take it and if it's that bad I will I just want to talk about it or have a choice. 

And that's why my very smart doctor repeated herself a few times to me about the subject maybe worried that I might decide to make some choice that could possibly delay healing. Well now. This time around on the surgery train it's a whole other situation entirely. Lemme tell ya folks it hurts and you take "the freakin juice". In fact I would count (at least tried, one is not exactly perfectly lucid) to be sure it was not after the 4 hours between med times. Yes- while trying to itch my nose. Once when I said I wanted them at a time that wasn't exxaaccctttly 4 hours my sister who is very technical reminded me that the hour I was requesting wasn't the 4 hours- exactly (it was more like 3 hours and 20 min). I promptly said sister!! are you kidding me?! gimme the eff meds I'm certainly not gonna freakin OD. Except I was so effed up I said it real real real slow losing the dramatic effect I wanted and who knows probably while trying to itch my ear or something.

First day alone-don't worry it's jam packed. I'm very busy

9:00am: wake up, open eyes, curse out loud knowing that once I get myself into the upright sit up position I have to figure out how to turn to the left to actually get OUT of the  bed

9:15am: make it to my couch in my room. Sit down and stare at my toes

9:18am: wash face, brush teeth. Carefully check for any new wrinkles as I have not been always able to do my nightly beauty ritual of slathering on my anti wrinkle eye stuff 

9:20am: feel fairly confident no new wrinkles have crept their way onto my face. To be sure I slowly reach for wrinkle cream and apply. You can never be too sure I tell myself

9:21am: think about making my way downstairs to do something

9:43am: make way downstairs. Decide to make my morning shake and refresh water

9:55am: while making shake I challenge myself to see how many more leaves of spinach I can fit in while still able to completely screw on lid and not have shake mix go all over the place while mixing-(not that this has happened to me, I'm just saying)

10:10am: finish shake and drink shake

10:14am: make personal goal of drinking my big thing of water by noon

10:19am:  feel good I made a goal for today

10:20am: wipe down all ready clean counters. slooooowly

10:21am: wipe corner of counter down again as I'm sure I saw a speck of something

10:21am: tell myself I don't have OCD that I'm just tidy

10:22am: drink water

10:23am: stare at my nails but don't actually file them because I don't know how

10:24am: look at pics on Instagram. Press like on 3 of them

10:24am: attempt to teach my dog Spanish

10:28am: look around, wonder when everyone is coming home while resisting urge to wipe down counters again

10:29am: drink more water. feel proud that I'm getting closer to my goal

10:34am: say bad words out loud when I get a sudden shooting nerve pain. Silently I tell my momma aka nurse muneca I'm sorry. She told me I was gonna get in trouble if I keep doing that

10:35am: hope nurse muneca doesn't read this blog entry

10:36am: stand at bottom of stairs, look up. take deep breathe

11:10am: upstairs 

11:12am: sit down on bed. contemplate taking shower 

11:12 and 40 seconds: lie down to take a nap